Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
