Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
