I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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