Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
