Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
