did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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