Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
