just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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