Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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