Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
