so explain again why im purple
no
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
