What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
