he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
