the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The adults are the big ones right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
