Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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