Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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