OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
