i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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