You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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