Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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