So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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