I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
