did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
