When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize