why do cheetos always look like penises
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
