you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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