Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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