I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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