So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
