what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
