Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I lost the right to judge tonight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
