And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
