and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
