I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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