So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
