We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
