Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
