Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
