I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just pee around me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
