my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize