A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
