I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
