she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well you can't waste a boner
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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