somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
