no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
