Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
