Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
