So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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