I wanna bring you to show and tell
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
