I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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