Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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