I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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