Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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