Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
