I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
