How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
