Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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