You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
