Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
