i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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