Need sex. Gaining weight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
